


black, white, and gray (one good thing)

by StopIWantToTalkAboutCheese



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra-centric (She-Ra), Episode: s05e03 Corridors, I'm not sure if the timeline works out but shh lets pretend it does, Implied Adora/Glimmer (She-Ra) - Freeform, Introspection, No beta we die like mne, POV Catra (She-Ra), TW: Suicide Mention, Unreliable Narrator, what Catra was thinking on Horde Prime's ship before rescuing Glimmer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:55:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25501705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StopIWantToTalkAboutCheese/pseuds/StopIWantToTalkAboutCheese
Summary: What Catra might have been thinking on Horde Prime's ship, right before she decides to defect.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	black, white, and gray (one good thing)

The halls of Horde Prime’s ship were silent, eerily so.

The Fright Zone had always been noisy. Children would run around and shriek, cadets would shout battle cries, Force Captains would stomp around and yell to assert dominance, and Shadow Weaver would cackle unsettlingly every ten minutes or so. You know, the normal sounds of your average evil organization.

So the silence of space was hair-raising.

But silence was good for thinking. And Catra, former Force Captain of the Horde, wanted to think.

Glimmer, Queen of Brightmoon, had been a thorn in Catra’s side for just over three years. Everything about her was insufferable. The glitter. The pink hair. The stupid smirk, the intolerable ego, _the goddamn teleportation._ She had even been the mastermind behind the dumb “princess alliance” thing they had going on. And worst of all, this smug, smirking, arrogant _princess_ had _stolen_ Adora. Stole her from Catra, filled Adora’s head with big dreams of eating cake with their hands and throwing glitter at each other and having _sleepovers._

But… but she was the only other person on this whole stupid ship. The clones didn’t count. Sparkles, as much as Catra hated to admit it, was _all Catra had._

And _by god_ , Catra hated it.

Because the way Adora looked at Sparkles sometimes… _that_ , Catra hated that most of all. And so, maybe, she had been a little rougher on Glitter– _Glimmer_ – as a result. Rougher than she was on Arrows, anyway.

For a long time, Catra had hated Glimmer. If she was being honest, she still did, a little bit.

But then they were taken onto Horde Prime’s ship. And suddenly, Glimmer was the only other Etherian there. Well, aside from Hordak, sort of. But Catra hated Hordak even more than she hated Glimmer. At least Glimmer would have stopped Shadow Weaver from torturing a nine year old. Probably.

She would have stopped Shadow Weaver from hurting Adora, anyway. 

But Catra would be lying if she said she didn’t feel a little bit, minisculely, infinitesimally, the _smallest bit_ guilty for what she had done to Glimmer’s mother. In Catra’s defense, she had been trying to commit suicide, and drag the rest of the world down with her. She hadn’t known there would be consequences in the shape of the word “murderer”. 

She hadn’t known there would be the horrible pain of “You made your choice. Now _live with it._ ”

What was the point of “living with it”, anyway?

Sometimes, Catra couldn’t even blame Adora for picking Glimmer instead of her. Who wouldn’t? Adora did. Scorpia did. Even Shadow Weaver did. Sort of.

Whatever.

Occasionally, Catra wondered bitterly if Shadow Weaver was proud of her. After all, Catra had grown up to be just like her. A heartless monster.

Catra couldn’t help wondering what would have happened if she _had_ succeeded in blowing up the world. Surely Horde Prime would never have come. If they were all going to die anyway, what was the goddamned point? Who cared if they died a year or two earlier than they were going to, anyway?

_You made your choice. Now live with it._

_Live with it._

_Live with it._

_No._

Catra had never done anything anyone had asked her to do, ever, and she wasn’t about to start with Adora. Live with it. Ignore it. They were enemies. Whatever. Live with it.

Unbidden, her conversation with Double Trouble came to mind.

_You really are obsessed, aren't you, kitten?_

_People have hurt you, haven't they? They didn't believe in you. They didn't trust you. Didn't need you. Left you. But did you ever stop to think? Maybe they're not the problem._

_It's you. You drive them away, Wildcat._

_You drive them away._

_Drive them away._

_Drive them away. Live with it._

_Wait._

Adora was the goddamned _She-Ra._ How many times had she told Catra that it was her _duty_ to protect Etheria? The only reason she was here in space was… Sparkles.

Catra might be a heartless monster, but she wasn’t dumb. She had been the mastermind behind too many Horde plans for that. Never mind that most of them had been thwarted. The point was, Catra might have been a slow learner, but she did _learn_ , no matter what Shadow Weaver or Adora said.

Adora was stronger than her. Not just physically. Adora stuck to her guns. Adora knew what was right and what was wrong and she didn’t let little things like _shades of gray_ stop her from making a choice. Adora couldn’t afford to doubt herself. Not when she was built like a tank and sweeping through Horde forces like they were made of paper. To doubt was to hesitate, and to hesitate was to confront what she was doing, and that… that would make her no better than, well, Catra.

At least, that’s what Catra told herself.

Adora would have no problem cutting down a few more Horde soldiers. 

Adora was the She-Ra. Adora could save Etheria.

For Adora, there were no shades of gray. She would kill a thousand Horde soldiers if the people she cared about lived.

Catra could drive people away. It was what she did best.

The way Adora looked at Glimmer, versus the way she looked at Catra. 

_No shades of gray. All bad, or all good._

_You made your choice. Now live with it._

_One good thing._

And from those scraps, a plan began to form.

_My first good thing. My last good thing. Save the princess so that there’s nothing left for her here. Adora turns around and goes home. Once she’s home, she can team up with the rest of her army and stop Horde Prime._

_But I won’t be there. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. You don’t get it, Adora. Because there_ are _shades of gray. I can’t be all good like you. I’ll never be all good like you, no matter how much you want it. But there_ are _people who do terrible things that can still do good. And you don’t get that, and I hope you never do, because the weight of your guilt would crush you._

_Just one good thing. The last thing I’ll ever do._

_Hey, Adora. I’m sorry._

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!  
> :)


End file.
